based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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