I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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