There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
