Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
