you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
