My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
