do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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