yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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