bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
