remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
