Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
