I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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