wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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