I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
