I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
