why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
