My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
