I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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