how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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