That's intense
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
