my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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