I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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