i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
