And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
