I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
