You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
