i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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