She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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