i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
