i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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