i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
