i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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