I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
