Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?

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(630): View more from Illinois

They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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(216): View more from Ohio

She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.

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(619): View more from California

FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??

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(614): View more from Ohio

He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.

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(310): View more from California

Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again

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