Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she pinky promised me she was 18
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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