oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
