Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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