Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
