The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
