This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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