You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
