I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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