I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
