dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
