John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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