Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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