you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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