im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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