You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
