Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
