And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
