and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
