Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
