I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
