I just saw a hot homeless man
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
