So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
