And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
